"AT PAIN...PERVERSITY AND DANGER OF ONE MAN'S TRIP THROUGH THE GAY LIFE"(MY STORY)

5 Years ago i was on my way to Puerto Galera, the day had been one long frustration, beginning with the bus ride from manila to batangas pier. I had sat opposite a handsome guy who persisted in letting his knee brush against mine. He was only teasing. Perhaps he was unaware of teasing, but that was the effect. I thought about sex instead of the long trip ahead of me. The trip was another in my series of escapes, but at least i had rationalizationed motives for it. I was going to visit my College bestfriend who lives in Puerto Galera, which i had missed up to that point and i missed White Beach big time.I would see beautiful and refreshing faces and enhance my appreciation of the world, renewing old ties and embroidering two long standing relationships that represented opposite poles of my emotinal life. I was bear for punishment.The travel represented would almost certainly be complicated and perhaps even spoiled by contacts with the two people who symbolized my polarized instinct: Sally, The only woman who stirred any heterosexual feelings in me, and Leo, the arch-gay type who had helped me to "come-out" in the homosexual world.

By the time i had been aboard a couple of hours,my hopes for a fast score had dimmed measurably. There were boys, lots of them, and beautiful, but in the teen-age bracket. Not cut out to be a tutor, i had no desire to initiate anyone. There were quite a few middle-aged men with girlfriends on thier side and a few good looking and unattached but of that aggressive, robust type which i admired from afar and found terribly difficult to approach.Things looked grim. Still, i reflected, you never know what tomorrow will bring.
finally after hours of trip, and years of not seeing the two important person in my life . we reunited and it feels so good ( hahaha lyrics yun ah) So we went straight to Sally's tita's owned appartel in front of the beach. we talked, laughed, cried and Reminisce. Im so excited for this vacation, I wanted to enjoy . Vacation is one of my escape mechanisms, from stress and any form of anxiety, Im a beach bum, i love beaches and boys at the same time and i think Puerto galera can offer both. The good part with that trip is that, my bestfriend's cousin jake (also having a vacation from california) was just next door.

After night swimming at white beach (Leo was not yet there) We party at bars located in front of the beach just near the area where i stayed.(Sally lives there, no reason for her to shared room with me,but she gave me a discount haha) Late in the evening i had tea and sandwich for my mid night snacks. I ate alone , as usual, then took a pill and went to bed. I felt very lucky to have Sally for this trip . Shes a nice company and gave me a perks of having discounted room haha. I feel asleed easily due to the influence of fatigue, frustration and Vallium.
My room was pitch dark when i awakened. I lit my ligther to checked my watch, to discover that was just past midnight, I'd been asleep only a short time. Then i heard a stirring the next room, a kind of rhythmic toss and turn. there was only one way to find out if this was an invitation. Very quietly i went outside,his room door was half open and fumbled among my things until i found a cigarette. In the quick blaze of the lighter. i saw Jake sprawled on his bed,seemed drunk, barechested and with one leg uncovered, a blancket pulled over his midriff.In that glimpse i ascertained that he was very likely nude. My imagination was enough to supply whatever additional stimulus was needed, so i silently enter his room and sat down beside his bed bahala na si batman , i was soo horny that time ayokong ma zero!!There it was , the familiar thrust and throb of young manhood. It excited me beyond belief and made my finger tremble while reaching out to touch him.

After the moment he said "The door" at first i didnt understand, and thought he wanted me to stop. But no, after he clearly stated that he wants me to close the door. Why did i find this ritual so satisfying? was it an unconscious attempt to absorb another man's masculinity? was it a reversion to infancy, a need of Mother's milk? or was it no more than a conditioned response? and if i found it so satisfying, why was i never satisfied? If Sally found out about this , she'll probably laugh.
Much to soon it was over for jake and i was too excited to take my time. Almost before i knew what was happening, he rolled himself into his blanket and turned over to go to sleep.For me , sleep did not come so easily, and yet i was momentarily content. WHAT A DAY!!! i felt as if everything is a set up!!

The next day brought a rude awakening. Jake seemed hardly remember the incident. But i guess he was not cruel or rude, i think he just couldnt have cared less. and later i discovered the reason (Thanks to Sally). He had scored with a rather unattractive older woman and so had no further use for me. It was as if i didnt exist. At first this made me furious, Jake was a prize such as one rarely encounter, and there he was only a few feet away! Never mind!! He was now set up with FEMALE!! and however old and ugly she might be , she was still a fish while i was a faggot. Yes I was burned!!

(TO BE CONTINUED)